My Life as the 8th Grain

Every season I say the same thing. I know others say the same thing, too. Admit it. You watch the first episode with some sort of fried or sugary food and you get all sorts of angry and self righteous. I used to think that I was the only person who had these kinds of thoughts until I realized that I’m not as nutty as I think I am! Oh no, dear blog readers, you are also just as nutty. This is how the first episode goes:

“Ah. Finally, some people who are bigger than me. See? I’m not that big. Man, they’re so brave. Oh, she’s totally not gonna last, she’s gonna be ALL UP IN someone’s bidness. Wonder if anyone hooks up on the show… I would hope not the married people. That doesn’t look so tough. Yuck- Jillian made someone puke. Bet it’s just for show. I could do that, I’d probably be the Biggest Loser. I bet they pass gas when they run– that’s so funny at the gym! Bad, gross, don’t think about that.. yuck. Think Dead Puppies and stop giggling! Dead puppies dead puppies dead puppies, okay, running farts are still a little funny at the gym. Think someone will pull a

Lately I’ve been having very odd dreams. I’m a very vivid dreamer as it is, but these dreams… wow… not as bad as Benedryl dreams but close. Some readers, especially one in particular, think that they may be caused by some of the strange foods I’ve been eating. So began the internet research just to make sure high amounts of kale juice weren’t the cause of these hallucinatory dreams….

While I didn’t find any proof that this King of Greens can cause colorful, interesting dreams, I did find plenty of information showing that adding kale to my diet can keep me dreaming well into my later years. Kale has between 10 and 15 glucosinolates (please don’t ask me to pronounce that in person!) which appear to be able to lower the chances of several different types of cancer, mainly Ovarian and Breast cancer. If that’s not enough, here’s a snipet of an article I read online -

“Sulforaphane, {again, don’t ask me to pronounce that} which is formed when cruciferous vegetables such as kale are chopped or chewed, triggers the liver to produce enzymes that detoxify cancer-causing chemicals, inhibits chemically-induced breast cancers in animal studies, induces colon cancer cells to commit suicide. Sulforaphane may also offer special protection to those with colon cancer-susceptible genes, suggests a study conducted at Rutgers University and published online in the journal Carcinogenesis.”

On a side note that is not scientific and completely self centered compared to the above paragraph — Since I started juicing and adding Kashi to my daily routines it appears my entire office is sick. There’s a nasty bug going around that seems to attack respiratory and gastrointestinal function all at once. A few times I thought I might be coming down with it, but I never did. I can tell at times that my body is definitely fighting something off. This could be because I keep a half gallon container of hand sanitizer at the end of my desk and added a “Be Wise, Sanitize” sign to my cubicle politely asking visitors not to bring germs with them. But, for blog sake, I’m letting the sludgy juice be the hero.

I think that’s about all the scientific news this blog can handle. Other fun facts about Kale — in parts of Germany annual fests are held where they actually name a “Kale King” and there are several social clubs that hold Kale Tours. Think of your local fish fry. Instead of fried fish and cheap keg beer causing flatulence, they gorge on kale, sausage and schnapps.

Beyond my new infatuation with Kale, there wasn’t much progress made in the health and wellness section of my life. This was intentional. I had a heavy load of homework this week and allowed myself to focus more on that than anything else. I finished my last assignment for the week last night, so today started a new week with time to focus on health and nutrition once again. Today started with cleaning. Isn’t it difficult to feel motivated to do much of anything when your surroundings seem so out of place? Ryan and I got a lot done, but I still feel like I have so much more to get through. I want to purge and organize every nook and cranny in the house. Over the next several weeks, that will have to be the goal. We never really finished “moving in”. We unpacked and stashed. Now that it’s been a year, it’s about time everything had a home.

Why am I mentioning this on a health and nutrition blog? I’ve given some thought to how my personality effects my weight. I was once someone who thrived on caffeine and stimulants. Now, after having to give up anything resembling a stimulant for the sake of my mental health a few years ago, I’ve become someone who needs a solid foundation and stimulant free living environment. I’m happier, more calm, and much less stressed when I’m not being assaulted from all sorts of abstract stimuli. Where there is less stress, there is less belly fat – or so the diet pill commercial has made me believe.

This evening I watched tv shows about super morbidly obese people. There was a man named Dave Smith who once weight over 650 pounds. Through the help of a trainer, he was able to get down to 220 pounds in four years. It was an amazing story. As you can imagine, that left him with a LOT of extra skin. They talked briefly about the skin removal surgeries he had to have. They didn’t talk much about that. In fact, none of the shows talk much about the physical pain these people go through. I’ve heard skin removal surgery is one of the most painful procedures you can have done. Obviously, it’s absolutely necessary, and perhaps the pain of that doesn’t come close to the pain of living (or dying) at 650 pounds. After watching parts of that, and then part of “Half Ton Mom” on TLC, I decided to go work out.

While thinking that slapping my DVD player into submission was actually going to work, I “einy meiny miney moe’d” a work out DVD. I landed on an unopened one titled, “Daily Stretch”. I ordered this from exercisetv.tv because it said it was for beginners. I would like to know what they mean by “beginner”. I would definitely consider my skill level at beginner. Apparently this was too advanced for me. I think I need to start with something that starts on 2 feet and doesn’t require too much movement above my head. Thankfully my Gaiam exercise mat broke my fall when I attempted to move my leg in a very unnatural position.

After that, I thought about driving to the gym and hitting the treadmill for awhile. Then I remembered how I left my car windows down all weekend. It rained all weekend. Not drizzled, poured. Thankfully Ryan saw that my windows were down this evening and rolled them up. I’m sure that’ll smell worse than Kale juice tomorrow morning. Since driving to the gym was out of the question, I decided to dust off our old Biggest Loser DVD.

After my tumor was removed and before getting pregnant with Noah, Ryan and I made a lot of changes to our lives. We were actually “healthy” and lived pretty healthy lives. We were making small changes and were feeling great. One of the workouts we would do together is the Biggest Loser Workout DVD. I HIGHLY recommend this to someone just starting out, no matter where they are on the scale. It doesn’t get complicated, and it’s darn near impossible to hurt yourself. Trainer Bob leads the work out and the “workout drones” with him aren’t shiny muscle-toned happy pill addicts, they’re people from the show. On the original BL Workout, some of the contestants are Suzy, Matt, Gary (remember Gary with that accent??!), Andrea, and Drea. There are modifications for almost every step. And, if you just can’t do something, it’s okay to go back to side stepping as long as you stay moving.

It looks so easy, but it’ll definitely make you sweat! So that’s what I did. I sweated it out with Trainer Bob. It was actually fun to do it again. I think this will definitely go back into the rotation of Things To Do To Not Be Fat Anymore.

During my workout tonight, I thought about all those people – over 2 million people in the United States – who are super morbidly obese. Could it be possible for someone like me to get like that? I think it is. After watching their stories and listening to their lives, it is absolutely possible for almost anyone to get into that state… to be bed bound because of a bad relationship with food and physical activity (or lack there of…). I felt a deep sense of compassion for those people. Even just last year, I didn’t think it would ever be possible that I would be back to the weight I am now. Just as some may be one sad event closer to be homeless, I was one sad event closer to losing complete control of my health.

I don’t know why I went so public with this when I started. It all started with a box of Kashi. I vowed to start eating organic/all natural at every meal. I haven’t completely hit that target just yet, but I’m really close. I’ve also made a lot of unintended self discoveries along the way. Probably most importantly, I discovered I definitely don’t like worms, or even the thought of worms, in my juice. Seriously, I think this week I re-learned that I don’t have to completely overhaul my entire life in one day in order to find health. That’s the habit that sets me up for failure each and every time. If I don’t do it completely, then I won’t do it at all. This time, I realized that I had to make my body better before I could expect much performance out of it. I started from the inside – out. So far, it’s been better than any drug on the market. I haven’t had big weight drops just yet, but that will come. In time.

(Oh, and Ryan? I checked… I have nothing. You’ve been so good this week, I got nothin’!!)

We’ll get back to that… Trust me, it’ll be worth reading through the next few paragraphs.

This week was challenging. I’m finding it much easier to slip back into convenience foods as my schedule gets tightened. A frozen dinner here or there shouldn’t be that big of a deal, especially when I’m watching out for carbs and fat, but here and there is becoming all too frequent. In fact, even grocery shopping tonight was difficult. I think Bertolini’s stock rose 3 points just from my one trip to County Market. Damn them and their easy to assemble skillets for 2!! I made the same mistake I usually make… I went shopping with out a plan. Ryan and I didn’t have a “Grocery Shopping Committee Meeting” leaving me with out a clue as to what to do for dinners all week. It probably would have been best if I went shopping for just a few days at a time. I know what kind of week I have coming up, so I was thinking there wouldn’t be another chance this week. So that is next week’s goal (not this coming up week, but the following… this week’s goal is focused on the 3 chapters I need to read, the writing assignment, and the 3 chapter quizzes I need to take for class…). When I was thinking about it on the short drive back from the store, I realized that I frequently think thoughts like, “I’ll have to figure out why I dropped back into this… figure out what I need to do to keep this from happening again.”

Those thoughts, even though they sound really well intentioned, really aren’t very well intentional. I know why I did. It’s easier. Two weeks ago, I had a burn out week where I got very, very little sleep each night. Maybe 3 to 3 and a half hours a night. Last week was the result of not taking care of myself the week prior by not getting enough sleep. I was exhausted and I didn’t want to cook. I went the easy way out. To keep this from happening again, I not only have to THINK about balancing different aspects of life, I actually have to DO it. That means taking melatonin as needed when I’m too anxious to fall asleep, trying to get to work at a more consistent time so I’m leaving work at a more consistent time each day. Doing so will allow me to plan my evenings a little easier. Each evening, I have to schedule some down time either before or after exercising, and either before or after dinner. I am not a person who can be hyper stimulated all day and expect to fall asleep at night. That scheduled down time is absolutely essential or I’ll use all day as down time. It’s similar to what I needed to do when I was in the midst of heavy grieving and sometimes still revert back to when my heart aches just a little too much. I scheduled an hour a day to reflect, remember and to just be sad. If I didn’t do this, emotion would consume my entire day leaving me with little energy and no room for any joy.

On the plus side, I also realized we need more time for fun. I’m constantly getting on Ryan for not taking care of himself the way I wish he would, but can I blame him? Everything I mentioned above effects him the same way it effects me. The difference is that he doesn’t always have an option. Sometimes I want to bring in a “health food buffet” for him and his coworkers. They put themselves and their bodies through Hell for their jobs. Sometimes I look at him and just wonder how he does it. This weekend I realized just how much he has sacrificed. Fun has eluded us. Occasionally we’ll get to have some fun… sunny days in the pool or chilly nights outside by the fire. It’s more common that we don’t spend any time doing anything purely for recreation.

So far, the intent of this blog has been about food and food choices. I now see that food choices are only part of the battle toward achieving a more healthful life. What we put into our bodies surely is important, it’s also important how we use our bodies. Working, exercising, sleeping, etc… we can schedule anything and everything and still not get it right if recreation is left out.

Those crazy grains on a mission — I doubt it’s all a serious mission. As the 8th grain, I should also make sure that we’re taking time off the path to have experiences that we’ll never get a chance to re-do. I was once someone so full of life and would do anything once – twice if I probably wouldn’t get arrested – but all that has changed. As we get older, we weigh the risks and the benefits of certain activities. I’m not likely to ever go bungee jumping ever again, but maybe find some other release of adrenaline. If I were to die tomorrow, would I be able to say I lived a full and adventurous life? That I treated each day as the gift it truly is? I know the importance God places on work and preparation for the road that lies ahead. I can’t imagine that He wouldn’t also want us to enjoy our time on this beautiful planet He’s given us.

My thoughts on life and this journey have turned to a darker, “heavier” side. After meeting another cancer survivor this week whose story was similar to my own, I was reminded of my frustration I had with feeling like I was being forced to continue to live the same unhealthy life. It’s hard not to think about how different things could have been if I won that battle.

On to Juicing… still my favorite meal of the day. I love the benefits that we’ve been feeling from it. My abdominal pains from “gastro paresis” are doing a lot better. And to think — I didn’t even need to take Reglan which was supposed to be the only way I could overcome that. Yesterday my mother in law, Alice, brought over a Jack LaLanne juicer. My father in law, Roy, had purchased it – I’m assuming – several months ago but never got around to using it. We tried to tell them that we were happy with the mini-juicer and that did that job well enough, but they really wanted us to use it, so who are we to turn away a gift?

Although the new juicer does take up much more counter space, this morning I learned it was so worth it and it has earned the “premium counter space” it is using. Instead of having to cut an apple into 8 to 10 slices, an entire half an apple can fit down the chute. This will save a lot of time and the chances of slicing off my thumb in the wee hours of the morning have dropped significantly. I’m not entirely sure if it produces more juice than our Juice Man juicer; perhaps one day this week I can experiment with that.

This morning was the first morning I was able to use the new juicer (which looks a bit like an ice cream maker). I put in my usual fruits and veggies… a few carrots, an apple, a lemon, bunch of kale and collard greens. I poured it into my oversized Starbucks coffee mug over a few ice cubes and stirred. Ryan was still sleeping, so I sipped my breakfast while watching Fox News. We had an unusually leisurely morning. Ryan juiced his breakfast and I decided to have some cereal since I knew I’d be working in the yard all day and not eating again until dinner. Sancho Panza – the newer cat – was playing with a little green speck of a leaf that was on the floor. I commented to Ryan about how Sancho was eating his green leafies just like his parents, and we laughed as he played with it. Sancho normally hisses and arches his back at the site of a vegetable that has fallen to the floor. This was a huge obstacle for him.

I noticed that the little piece of leaf seemed to be moving a bit… I asked Ryan to check it out and he said, “It’s a Kale Worm!!” The events after that might be disturbing to sensitive readers. May this serve as a warning.

Have you ever had one of those moments where a situation took a few seconds to sink in very slowly? At first I chuckled. Then, slowly, pictures, like snapshots, went through my mind of the morning’s events. I woke up, took a shower, started laundry, juiced… drank… the… juice… worm… on … floor…. oh.. my… God… what… huh?… chunks… surfacing… run… NOW! I know it wasn’t real, but I felt the sensation of a thousand worms crawling in my stomach and up my esophagus. I placed the cereal bowl on the counter and took off for the bathroom.

There aren’t too many things to make me vomit. That sure as heck did. All the while, I could hear my very concerned husband gasping for breath as he had stomach wrenching laughter spewing from his own mouth. I know that his laughing was a secret sign of concern for his wife who may have ingested a creepy crawly, or at least feared she may have.

I’ve had time to think about this all day. Did I really juice a kale worm? Probably not. Is it possible? I’m telling myself no and I really don’t want to hear any arguments about exactly how possible it is that I did juice a tiny green squiggly thing. I wash all fruits and veggies prior to juicing and shake out the excess water from the kale and collard greens. I will spend the rest of my life acknowledging how I probably saved myself from drinking worm-goo by my veggie cleansing rituals.

For a few hours today, I was about to retire from this entire journey. Call it quits. I’m glad I didn’t. I thought about people who ride motorcycles with out a helmet. Not only are they endangering their lives, but they’re also getting a lot of bugs in their face and I can only imagine how many of those bugs end up on their teeth and in their stomach. But, for them… it’s worth the ride. So my worm – it’ll one day be worth the ride…

(Oh, and Ryan? I checked… Oberweis Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream is God’s gift to those who pray. We may consume in STRICT moderation.)