My Life as the 8th Grain

We’ll get back to that… Trust me, it’ll be worth reading through the next few paragraphs.

This week was challenging. I’m finding it much easier to slip back into convenience foods as my schedule gets tightened. A frozen dinner here or there shouldn’t be that big of a deal, especially when I’m watching out for carbs and fat, but here and there is becoming all too frequent. In fact, even grocery shopping tonight was difficult. I think Bertolini’s stock rose 3 points just from my one trip to County Market. Damn them and their easy to assemble skillets for 2!! I made the same mistake I usually make… I went shopping with out a plan. Ryan and I didn’t have a “Grocery Shopping Committee Meeting” leaving me with out a clue as to what to do for dinners all week. It probably would have been best if I went shopping for just a few days at a time. I know what kind of week I have coming up, so I was thinking there wouldn’t be another chance this week. So that is next week’s goal (not this coming up week, but the following… this week’s goal is focused on the 3 chapters I need to read, the writing assignment, and the 3 chapter quizzes I need to take for class…). When I was thinking about it on the short drive back from the store, I realized that I frequently think thoughts like, “I’ll have to figure out why I dropped back into this… figure out what I need to do to keep this from happening again.”

Those thoughts, even though they sound really well intentioned, really aren’t very well intentional. I know why I did. It’s easier. Two weeks ago, I had a burn out week where I got very, very little sleep each night. Maybe 3 to 3 and a half hours a night. Last week was the result of not taking care of myself the week prior by not getting enough sleep. I was exhausted and I didn’t want to cook. I went the easy way out. To keep this from happening again, I not only have to THINK about balancing different aspects of life, I actually have to DO it. That means taking melatonin as needed when I’m too anxious to fall asleep, trying to get to work at a more consistent time so I’m leaving work at a more consistent time each day. Doing so will allow me to plan my evenings a little easier. Each evening, I have to schedule some down time either before or after exercising, and either before or after dinner. I am not a person who can be hyper stimulated all day and expect to fall asleep at night. That scheduled down time is absolutely essential or I’ll use all day as down time. It’s similar to what I needed to do when I was in the midst of heavy grieving and sometimes still revert back to when my heart aches just a little too much. I scheduled an hour a day to reflect, remember and to just be sad. If I didn’t do this, emotion would consume my entire day leaving me with little energy and no room for any joy.

On the plus side, I also realized we need more time for fun. I’m constantly getting on Ryan for not taking care of himself the way I wish he would, but can I blame him? Everything I mentioned above effects him the same way it effects me. The difference is that he doesn’t always have an option. Sometimes I want to bring in a “health food buffet” for him and his coworkers. They put themselves and their bodies through Hell for their jobs. Sometimes I look at him and just wonder how he does it. This weekend I realized just how much he has sacrificed. Fun has eluded us. Occasionally we’ll get to have some fun… sunny days in the pool or chilly nights outside by the fire. It’s more common that we don’t spend any time doing anything purely for recreation.

So far, the intent of this blog has been about food and food choices. I now see that food choices are only part of the battle toward achieving a more healthful life. What we put into our bodies surely is important, it’s also important how we use our bodies. Working, exercising, sleeping, etc… we can schedule anything and everything and still not get it right if recreation is left out.

Those crazy grains on a mission — I doubt it’s all a serious mission. As the 8th grain, I should also make sure that we’re taking time off the path to have experiences that we’ll never get a chance to re-do. I was once someone so full of life and would do anything once – twice if I probably wouldn’t get arrested – but all that has changed. As we get older, we weigh the risks and the benefits of certain activities. I’m not likely to ever go bungee jumping ever again, but maybe find some other release of adrenaline. If I were to die tomorrow, would I be able to say I lived a full and adventurous life? That I treated each day as the gift it truly is? I know the importance God places on work and preparation for the road that lies ahead. I can’t imagine that He wouldn’t also want us to enjoy our time on this beautiful planet He’s given us.

My thoughts on life and this journey have turned to a darker, “heavier” side. After meeting another cancer survivor this week whose story was similar to my own, I was reminded of my frustration I had with feeling like I was being forced to continue to live the same unhealthy life. It’s hard not to think about how different things could have been if I won that battle.

On to Juicing… still my favorite meal of the day. I love the benefits that we’ve been feeling from it. My abdominal pains from “gastro paresis” are doing a lot better. And to think — I didn’t even need to take Reglan which was supposed to be the only way I could overcome that. Yesterday my mother in law, Alice, brought over a Jack LaLanne juicer. My father in law, Roy, had purchased it – I’m assuming – several months ago but never got around to using it. We tried to tell them that we were happy with the mini-juicer and that did that job well enough, but they really wanted us to use it, so who are we to turn away a gift?

Although the new juicer does take up much more counter space, this morning I learned it was so worth it and it has earned the “premium counter space” it is using. Instead of having to cut an apple into 8 to 10 slices, an entire half an apple can fit down the chute. This will save a lot of time and the chances of slicing off my thumb in the wee hours of the morning have dropped significantly. I’m not entirely sure if it produces more juice than our Juice Man juicer; perhaps one day this week I can experiment with that.

This morning was the first morning I was able to use the new juicer (which looks a bit like an ice cream maker). I put in my usual fruits and veggies… a few carrots, an apple, a lemon, bunch of kale and collard greens. I poured it into my oversized Starbucks coffee mug over a few ice cubes and stirred. Ryan was still sleeping, so I sipped my breakfast while watching Fox News. We had an unusually leisurely morning. Ryan juiced his breakfast and I decided to have some cereal since I knew I’d be working in the yard all day and not eating again until dinner. Sancho Panza – the newer cat – was playing with a little green speck of a leaf that was on the floor. I commented to Ryan about how Sancho was eating his green leafies just like his parents, and we laughed as he played with it. Sancho normally hisses and arches his back at the site of a vegetable that has fallen to the floor. This was a huge obstacle for him.

I noticed that the little piece of leaf seemed to be moving a bit… I asked Ryan to check it out and he said, “It’s a Kale Worm!!” The events after that might be disturbing to sensitive readers. May this serve as a warning.

Have you ever had one of those moments where a situation took a few seconds to sink in very slowly? At first I chuckled. Then, slowly, pictures, like snapshots, went through my mind of the morning’s events. I woke up, took a shower, started laundry, juiced… drank… the… juice… worm… on … floor…. oh.. my… God… what… huh?… chunks… surfacing… run… NOW! I know it wasn’t real, but I felt the sensation of a thousand worms crawling in my stomach and up my esophagus. I placed the cereal bowl on the counter and took off for the bathroom.

There aren’t too many things to make me vomit. That sure as heck did. All the while, I could hear my very concerned husband gasping for breath as he had stomach wrenching laughter spewing from his own mouth. I know that his laughing was a secret sign of concern for his wife who may have ingested a creepy crawly, or at least feared she may have.

I’ve had time to think about this all day. Did I really juice a kale worm? Probably not. Is it possible? I’m telling myself no and I really don’t want to hear any arguments about exactly how possible it is that I did juice a tiny green squiggly thing. I wash all fruits and veggies prior to juicing and shake out the excess water from the kale and collard greens. I will spend the rest of my life acknowledging how I probably saved myself from drinking worm-goo by my veggie cleansing rituals.

For a few hours today, I was about to retire from this entire journey. Call it quits. I’m glad I didn’t. I thought about people who ride motorcycles with out a helmet. Not only are they endangering their lives, but they’re also getting a lot of bugs in their face and I can only imagine how many of those bugs end up on their teeth and in their stomach. But, for them… it’s worth the ride. So my worm – it’ll one day be worth the ride…

(Oh, and Ryan? I checked… Oberweis Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream is God’s gift to those who pray. We may consume in STRICT moderation.)